Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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