hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
