nut hugger
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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