Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm really busy with my period
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