shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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