I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So vagazzling was a success
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
