if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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