So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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