who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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