I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
