smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
