I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
