if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
