Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
