watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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