i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
