Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
