3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
