I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
