Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
These tits shall not be calmed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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