Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
