i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
