Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
