My first STD was from a foam party
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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