He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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