no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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