Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
