I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
