Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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