I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
