Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
