o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
