so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
