I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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