I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dicks are not precious.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
