And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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