I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
