she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
