i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
