i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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