yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
