he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
