My friends, they love my intelligence
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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