shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
