I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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