I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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