I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
worst night to have a conscience
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
