so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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