i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
