If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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