Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
