Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
