Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we made out on top of his cat.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
