Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My friends, they love my intelligence
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
