I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
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