So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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