I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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