So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
