try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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