he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
